For whatever reason, college students tend to be hypersensitive about their Facebook “relationship status.”
Should you reveal you’re single and let others know you’re available? Hide it out of embarrassment? Avoid the question altogether and pick somebody—anybody—to say you’re “in a relationship” with?
When you’re dating, you’re faced with a predicament: When does dating officially become a “relationship”? And, more importantly, when do you announce it on Facebook, where News Feeds, the Perez Hiltons of the college world, immediately alert anyone connected to you of a relationship change?
Do you change your relationship statuses simultaneously or wait for the other one to go first?
Even when you’re not in an actual relationship, Facebook may force you to ponder these questions.
In the Facebook world, you can change your relationship status even when your relationship doesn’t. Countless “couples” on Facebook fake their statuses every day, changing on a whim from “single” to “in a relationship” or “married,” just to avoid sounding like they’re alone.
But what happens when you’re done with school and you’re faced with the decision of what to do about your fake Facebook relationship after you and your best friend or former roommate/supposed lover are no longer even living in the same state?
It’s never easy to let go of a fauxlationship, but if you’re wanting to move on with your life, particularly your dating life, you’re going to need to find a way to un-marry, un-engage and un-relationship yourself.
Since the “relationship status” discussion can be like trying to have the birds-and-bees talk with a ***—it’s an inevitable but awkward conversation you know you’ve got to have for your sake and theirs, but you’re not really sure where to begin—we’d like to offer these tips on how to let your fictitious “ex” down gently.
Don’t let their News Feed be the bearer of bad news.
Considering you were once married this person, you should feel comfortable sharing your feelings about where it’s headed. Instead of letting a News Feed tell them you’ve broken it off and changed your relationship status, give them a heads up. But rather than approaching it as a Big Talk, which could make them feel worse, try broaching the topic casually in conversation: “So my brother’s in town this weekend, and hey, about being married to you, yeah, I think it’s time we ended that.”
Just because they’re still sad doesn’t mean you have to be.
Everyone’s got their reasons for asking for a “facevorce,” and one of yours might be that you’ve finally moved on to a new real relationship and it’s such a big deal you want the whole “book” to know. However, your fake spouse may still be spending Friday nights alone in their room, lamenting their loneliness to Alanis Morissette songs. You still love your friend, but you love your new actual relationship more. Try softening the breakup blow by explaining to them that spending less time on your online relationship will allow them more time to find a social life in the real world. Your ex will thank you for the tradeoff. Eventually.
Pick a date for your online breakup that coincides with a personal milestone.
Managing a Facebook profile is like strategizing in a war: Every move is analyzed and meticulously calculated; counter-moves are planned; first strikes get executed. Any move you make is instantly communicated on the News Feed, and to your fellow Facebook friends and stalkers, a single change to your account either means you are extremely anal about keeping up a particular profile appearance or you’re trying to draw specific attention to that single item. To avoid having your soon-to-be ex-spouse feel like you’re making a point of announcing the breakup to the whole world, make the change to your relationship status when you have other important profile announcements to make, like a big move, a new job or the debut of your bobblehead doll.
Use Facebook tools to memorialize the relationship.
Use the Notes application and write an essay detailing the reason for ending the relationship, its history and how much your partner has meant to you. Create a new photo album dedicated solely to pictures of you and your partner and memories of your time together. Invite your friends to contribute their thoughts as well.
Send a parting gift.
Let your ex know he or she still means as much to you now as before, just in a different way. Consider sending a memento with a message from the Facebook virtual gift shop: a friendship bracelet (obvious), the slinky (so they have a new way to occupy their time), the brownie (because sweets take the bitter taste of loss away), or a limited edition genie lamp (so they can wish for their new fake Facebook fling to cross their path).
Whether your reason is selfish or a means of turning over a new leaf of honesty, the “faceup” can be the first step toward cutting the college strings and letting the world know you no longer need the crutch of a fake relationship.
You’re single and OK with that. Or you’re in a real relationship now and all grown up. Either way, you’re strong and independent.
Even if you’ve just moved back in with the parents. That’s a temporary thing.
There’ll be a News Feed when it changes.