Your child’s first year of college can be an exhilarating but equally nerve-wracking experience. And it doesn’t necessarily get any easier in the upperclassman years. Each semester brings new challenges, concerns and issues, whether it’s your freshmen struggling to make friends, pass organic chemistry and also manage to find time for sleep, or your graduating seniors who are in the middle of an identity crisis and abruptly realizing every class they’ve ever taken, their major and the jobs they’re applying for have absolutely nothing to do with who they’ve suddenly decided they are.
The college experience can be just as agonizing for you, worrying in the wings, thousands of miles away and not being able to do much, as it is for your kids, trying not to feel lost in a sea of faces, adapting to life in a dorm where they rarely have their own space, balancing good grades with a healthy social life, and dealing with the stress of always being either broke or sleep-deprived or both.
‘Dean of Parents’ Becoming More Common on Campuses
Schools are coming around to the fact that parents can have as much difficulty coping with the college years as students do. Many colleges and universities have begun developing parent networks and programs designed specifically to deal with issues that are important to parents.
Whether your child’s already at college or a high school senior just in the midst of filling out college applications, you can check with potential or current schools to see what type of assistance is available, both for you and your children.
Here are some questions you may want to ask:
- Is there a contact specifically for parents? (Some schools have staff whose sole job responsibility is dealing with parents.)
- Who are the different contact points for students—academic, peer, psychological and career counselors?
- Does the school offer an orientation designed specifically for moms and dads?
- Does the school have its own parent support network?
- What types of support services does the school offer for parents and for students?
- What type of publications, tools or other resources are available?
Hands-On Help to the Rescue
Not all colleges have dedicated parent support programs and services, so if you find your child’s school doesn’t offer what you’re looking for, there’s plenty of help on the Web as well as at the local or online bookstore.
StudentScoop.com:
The “Parent Perspective” corner has helpful articles on topics like keeping in touch with your children at school, helping them handle stress, and how to deal with what will be an evolving relationship between you and them as adults-in-the-making.
College Parents of America:
A comprehensive, fee-based membership site that houses tons of information on college savings plans, college cost-busting tips, equipping your child to succeed at school, and campus life and issues.
Revolution Health’s College Health:
Not sure how to relate to what’s going on with your child at college? This “College Health Guide for Parents” may give you a better idea. You’ll find articles addressing the emotional turmoil of adjusting to school and relationship challenges; on recognizing the signs of anxiety, eating disorders and depression; and advice for dealing with alcohol, drugs and sex.
SecurityonCampus.org:
After the Virginia Tech shootings last April, many parents have become even more concerned for their children’s safety on campus. Search the Security on Campus database for campus crime statistics to find out how safe your child’s school really is. This site also provides you with access to videos, brochures and other information meant to help you keep your children safe on campus.
A Library of Resources
For more in-depth information and guidance, try these books:
You’re on Your Own (But I’m Here if You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years
by Marjorie Savage (2003). How to differentiate between situations that require intervention and those where you may want to back off and allow your children to handle it on their own.
Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years
by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger (2003). An in-depth perspective on the emotional, psychological and sociological issues your student may face at school.
When Your Kid Goes to College: A Parents’ Survival Guide
by Carol Barkin (1999). Insight, tips and strategies for parents on dealing with the separation anxiety that may accompany the high school to college transition.
“Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money”: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years
by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller (2000). Now that your child’s in college, how does your role as a parent change? Answers and guidance on how to let go, respecting your student as an adult while still being a parent.